Saturday, 25 August 2012

Sleep is for the weak...

Its a long time since I had one of  .. what you call it now , oh yes a screaming ball of fury  which equates to you or I a baby. or a toddler which is equal to a moving weapon of mass destruction.

Long has it been since I grappled in hospital with what they suggested I clean my babies backside with cotton wool and water. Sorry maternity ward I ditched that one when you weren't looking and whipped out the baby wipes, which are the saviour of the human race.  Seriously have you seen what comes of a baby ? it is not I assure you sunshine and unicorns!

Also it the great scheme of things resting your baby sleeps is just not going to happen they are master of tiptoeing feet and your bum cheeks connecting  with your comfy sofa. But fear not in the battle of the baby/ toddler you can and will fight back, do not show them any fear otherwise those  eyes will suck you in.

The first situation I encountered was baby stealth  you know the one where they are not , hungry, not tired, they don't want to play, not dirty but you KNOW its time for a nap. The thing I used when it came to this was *white noise * switch on your vacuum and leave it running. This one confuses the baby but also the white noise some how soothes them and will hopefully put them to sleep. Obviously doing this at 2 am it the morning is not suitable if your husbands is on nights.

So my top tips for sleep inducing a baby/ toddler are :

1.What I also found was useful at the correct age ( medical information shifts all the time ) was Weetbaix just before the little darling went to bed.

2. Mashed banana.

3. Classic Fm or if they or you before Coldplay or what ever music you or they like.

4. Vacuum ( because of the white noise)

5. Putting them in front of the washing machine ( trust me it works ) The trick with this one is to give them a bottle making sure you watch them etc if they are doing it themselves. Putting the washing machine on a long long cycle. And watch the little darling nod off to sleep you can then if you are brave whisk them off to their cot or leave them where they are.

Sleep is the enemy to a toddler.
6. Make sure you have 2 of their favourite toys  you never not if they might lose it and that could mean hours of misery and heartbreak if you don't.

Have 2 of a childs favourite must loved toy.


  1. a very in keeping post of the week. now can we eat cake?

  2. believe me I was tempted to use the "cushion on face method" on more than one occasion. Drastic but effective if held for 5 minutes.
    Joking aside this puts a huge stress on a relationship, my husband had to pack in a driving job as he started at 4am, and as none of us could sleep it was a nightmare, and he was not safe driving a lorry

  3. What worked best for my few months old..... Hare Krishna radio!!!! Now being 2 he only needs a few hugs. hare rama hare rama hare krishna :) :) :)

  4. I've done all the above nothing works with my 2 2 hrs later they still up n messing n screaming at me


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