These are the words I posted one morning recently as it 3 years since I had my breakdown , and I never really thought about much I just posted it .
Posting my thoughts and feelings , worry and what nots helps keep me in check. 3 years ago I feel apart from one thing and another and the final nail in my emotional coffin was the breakdown around a blogging conference .
The blogging conference isn’t to blame there were many work, home and external factors at play. Not everyone understood or had empathy which is a shame as it seemed one rule for one and one rule for another , I had those saying I was playing the victim but I wasn’t .
No matter I had to battle through , I didn’t get on my CBT counsellor and that’s not to say it doesn’t work as I’ve seen it work well for others . I don’t take tablets and again that’s my choice and I know many who do and are fine with it .
What I’ve found useful is documenting how I feel as I mentioned in the first paragraph, and I’ve had so much love and support its unbelievable I hadn’t though how much I was appreciated or how my words resonated with others who were suffering or people they knew.
That’s not to say I won’t have my down time as an habitual over thinker I’m really my own worse enemy at times . I do feel like I’m staring into a hole about to fall in but at other times I choose to step over that hole so that in my mind is a win.
I see my words as a cathartic journey with its ups and downs there are more ups than down and it is also a case of recognising what triggers me and either avoiding it or seeking help from those around me.
I always say to know me is to like me and if I have to constantly explain myself then you really don’t get me as I get very flustered in public situations.
I say if you feel you’re suffering from depression talk to people on-line and in real life you’ll find organisations like MIND and The Blurt Foundation. See your doctor or who ever you need to feel like yourself again .
Not saying it’s easy but
“The moment I stopped living up to everyone else’s expectations.
I lived up to my own .”
Treat yourself like a camera and just adjust the focus , let the negative develop into a beautiful picture .
I’m not saying I’ve all the answers but this is me 3 years on .
I survived .
I previously wrote this a guest post and the words still ring true , I've developed a little of a teflon attitude but at times I do get chinks in my armour but my friends are like little lifts in my soul