Friday, 6 July 2018

Losing People's Expectations

I have found it has taken a long time to lose the expectations that people have of yourself and I am not talking about the polite rules and regulations of polite society . I am talking about if you're off with with a long term condition people only see what they want to see and no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Society is both kind and judgemental and that sucks big really at times it really does and I know this  myself only to well.

I share my anxiety because I want to and not because I am expected to we don't live in a Victorian society where we are seen and not heard , we very much need to be seen and heard in today's society.I  am finding myself again and I like this and I am slowly back into my world of photography and that is what grounds me as well as family.

I wrote as I do a status on my facebook as I do for me and my statement to the world of my reality

"Yesterday was taking my mother out for lunch in the wilds of Bedfordshire. Then back to her ground floor flat to help sort it out a lot dust cobwebs etc everywhere and so much much glitter ( only 2 rooms but over 2 hours ) What YOU don't see when you are caring for people of Bi polar ( other conditions etc ) is that they sometimes can't help themselves and need to see the wood for the trees. They (me , you etc etc )
have to be enabled empowered etc.
We are like dominoes all standing behind each other but we need to dominoes as we don't want to be the last one falling down.
Another thing is the inadequate care in the home system, 3 changes of carer and not a thing done to help my mum. Third one arrives today and maybe just maybe they will do stuff to help her and in doing so help me.
SO you see while you ask if I Am getting better the long of the short of it is yes and please please DON"T continually ask me ( as if it is as simple as buying a pint of milk )if I am better in the sense that by the click of my fingers that it can be solved like that.
I am me and that is that I react to situations in my own way.
The ones that matter matter and the ones that don't don't.
PS I dislike Glitter ...
This is not a judgement on anyone or anything and I do what can do to help other people.
My rules my recovery so there."

You see when I am hurt it takes not hours not week but literally months to get over it and I may take it to heart but I suspect people aim your weakness , humans are vindictive at times and other times it is  not meant and people really don't think about what they are saying.

I hope I have conveyed as eloquently as I can that I am on my way and I will never stop sharing how I feel or my pictures either.

I am strong because I fight back every time.

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