Thursday, 24 January 2019

Living Life On The Spectrum

Living life on the Spectrum you might think ooh that's the  Spectrum computer ooh how retro and you'd be right in one sense as I truly loved my Spectrum 48 k when i was younger , I was indeed that computer nerd that loved nothing better than playing games and programming my Spectrum.

What I am really talking about is living with ASD ( or Autism ) I fit the criteria for Aspergers , did you watch Celebrity Get me Out Of Here and saw Ann Hegerty from the Chase and she said she has Aspergers then that is why I have. I am not on the Chase though I do have a immense knowledge of stuff and will gladly rattle off facts to my hearts content.


You see all the years and years I had depression and anxiety stem for the fact I had diagnosed Autism and you might think that Autism is only seen in boys /men it is not it is also seen in girls/ladies.Why you may ask are girls and ladies not diagnosed as much and the reason for this is masking


I’m constantly on the run not literally on the run but I’m hitting the ground running and adapting to my diagnosis of Autism.Being Autistic doesn’t change anything for me but it does allow me to be me.As I keep saying I’m in two worlds but one world.I can instantly see that things can be done another way saying both time and energy.

In order to respect I’m going to have to respect it’s a transition time having only had an autism diagnosis in late September.It really is like being hit by all the senses at once and all the uniqueness that made you make sense.I am pretty much black and white and if you joke it might take me a while.As long as you’re funnier than Michael Mcintyre then we will get along fine.

It took me a year to actually watch the Greatest Showmen and I’m still not taken by it .Yet people love the razzle dazzle .

Last weekend was very trying with a constant stream of problems leaving me thinking was I on a episode of Jeremy Kyle .


Masking

Girls and ladies will mask to blend in with those around and within society , and this is why of part of the reason I was forever told to smile , I do smile I really can but social convention dicatestes that to smile means we are happy and all is ok within the world and our world. It is also why I get you don’t seem autistic or I never knew.I don’t wear a label or T shirt announcing I’ve Autism!

Feelings 

Complicated one this as I don’t feel as others feel but everything almost everything is amplified.I am and other people with Autism are empathetic and our sense of justice is second to none - makes monopoly playing a bit of a nightmare !

Socialising 

Socialising for the most part feels me with fear because it’s people noise lights etc. How I can be can vary it’s like your toaster will it brown your bread the same way ~ unlikely . I get sad at times when I’m not asked to social things but it’s the way of the world.I have always slipped into the cracks of social exclusion.

I’m me still me !

I spend my whole life thinking I was broken but I’m not I’m whole as an autistic person.


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