Slowness in life isn't a bad thing it really isn't and I like being slow it enables me to breathe and see everything in detail.I do amazing things and they aren't always documented I don't always say , they are secret without being secret it is just part of my fabric of life.
I wake up and let my mind pull itself together after it has scattered itself to the four corners of the world during the night and it knits itself back together.
I take my day slowly doing what I need to do and sometimes it is thinking about what I need to do , that is how I work , it is like putting on show but without having a script and that is life it isn't scripted.
My slowness is a kindness to myself while others are beaming year to ear or stressing over how much they've packed into their day or will have to I take it slow.And my slowness of how I go about my day is part of me part of my character and part of my being.
And no one but no one tells me how to be I simply won't allow it , it is my slowness my being my world.Being autistic sometimes throws up its problems it is like in social situations you have a forcefield that won't let others include you and that is hard but the slowness of life helps you recover from those tricky times in life.And I do get on with those tricky situations in life.
I am happy in my slow and slow in my happy.
My speech therapist sees that stutter though mild has impacted me hugely and how I describe myself is a protection to myself and I have to say speech therapy has helped me greatly in my slowness where ironically I rush in my speech to get what I have to say out he way.I think this is so I can get back to the slowness of life and just wanting to be one with the world on my terms.
People don't expect me to be autistic I do get you never would have guessed , I mean I am not Paddington Bear where I have a label attached explaining who I am.I strive to be how I am what I am each and every day.I admire myself and also punish myself at times I am my own critic at the best of times but I am trying not to do this.
My slowness is brilliant it fits me just like a well fitting bobble hat and I like it , I don't work now I did so for many years in the fast based world of being a teaching assistant and some of that was as a special needs teaching assistant. I have tried here and there to volunteer at places but let me tell you trying to actually get people to take notice of you trying to help is an issue.
People make promises to me and they say yes we will meet up but life gets up in the way and they don't go for that walk with me and don't have the coffee , it is a promise in the win and the more sure of a promise is at the best of times to myself.It is a slow resilience to protecting myself and resilience is good though sometimes it is a sudden resilience out of the blue.
I breathe slowly.
I let the day unfurl I wait and watch while I wash up at the kitchen sink I don't take stock of the time and a leaf fulls.
I like the slowness of life.