Friday, 24 April 2015

The Kindness Of Strangers.

 I didn't start getting myself till now , it's as if I've been struck by lightening and I'm finally starting to understand myself. I've done the CBT, tried the depression tablets ( but the tablets don't agree with me ) you see everyone is fighting an unseen battle and depression quite frankly isn't a competitive sport. I might go to CBT but I'll see how I go I'm being mindful and dealing with my sytimn myself , I had a lot  kick off in my childhood and teens and into my adulthood and I'm shaped my it to an extent. I'm not going to let it take me prisoner at all and I have family and friends who like me and I'm not a pity party and neither will I play the victim. You see you'd think all people with depression would get on like it was one big party with streamers and balloons ~ sorry to burst your balloon but sadly not but if life was simple we wouldn't live it as fully as we do.

The highest compassion we can have is understanding and laughter ~ ps I saw that in a quote ohh what a quote.

Empathy I believe in empathy.

I can't hate or even dislike and now I'm settled with friends of mine who get on with people I don't.

C'est la vie.

My fight or flight respond is still there but I am less inclined to take flight or even fight ( non physically ) 

Before I was sleeping now I'm living.

A bounce in my step and I know if I'm feeling angst I can reach out and for help like the other day I was feeling angry for no apparent reason.

I've been housework lapse this week and I need to get back into my cooking but I'll get there and reading I need to read as you see my mind feels like I've got too many windows open. So I'm learning to shut those windows down and accomplish what ~ I need to , like tonight my fit bit was upset I hadn't taken my necessary steps today so I went out . I tried to talk to the local chickens but they were too far away so I shouted how do.

My family and friends are the wind beneath my wings and though I'm coming up to a year of when I finally acknowledged I had my breakdown in~ I see it as a recovery . Depression won't ever leave me but I can shrink the feeling and treat my mind to the beautiful sensory world around me.

My son goes into 6 th form.

My son takes his GCSes this summer.

3 summers till university.

But my son forever.

And my family is what I concentrate on and making memories.

I can't control the descions other people make and let that make me try and try to be their friend, they must live their lives how they see fit.

And looking upon the Internet and seeing my dads eyes staring back from a newspaper article is still disconcerting but I have my family that I'm not turning my back on. 

GCSE 's weren't good for me neither were my A levels  but they will be for my son history won't repeat itself.

I'm living my life for now.

Not reacting as I did who cares if someone won't talk to me in a social media platform there is plenty who well and you know what simple kindness springs from places you least expect it.

The other day I was walking to school and I had on spent half the week getting my days muddied up when a gentleman stopped me asking me what day of the week was I told him Wednesday and that ~ I had got confused in Tuesday thinking it was Wednesdsy. 

You with me so far?

The joke the old gentleman told me was as follows.

"If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and died. What would they put on his coffin ?

lid !"

And with that he turned and went back into his house down the lane and I went to school with a smile , the kindness of strangers.

As they say tommorow a mystery yesterday was history.


  1. I love this post, because you are you, and you are seeing that and you are perfectly ok! Big hugs xxx

  2. I've been 'different' all my life. I'm OK with being me now because I know that the few people who 'get me' matter a lot more than the many who don't. Also, when my oestrogen went out the window, so did my caring about what people think of me, attitude. SOD EM! :D
    I get you and the world is just a little bit better because you're in it, my friend. X


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