Friday, 31 August 2018

Cat Rules For Humans Part 1

Rules for cats

When you have a cat flap don't use it just sit confidently by the front door and demand for it to be opened then meow 30 seconds later and repeat ( this is much fun and allows your human to be exercised they won't appreciate this level of exercise but it is for their own good )

NO door should be closed anywhere demand that all doors be opened and try to burrow under them if these are not opened  ( you probably won't be popular but as humans do like to update their furnishings pretty regularly I really wouldn't worry your little furry head about it.


Now visitors you will get visitors who either just love cats and talk to you in that high pitched voice or they loathe you , now if they loathe you make a beeline for them and sit on their lap just ever so slightly embedding your claws. Also follow visitors to the toilet and just stare and stare slight over kill would be to cross put your paw along your throat.


If a human picks up a laptop , kindle tablet etc then kiss the corner of the item like it has catnip in it, or sit on the item for maximum effect.

In the kitchen it is import to be behind the heel of the cook it is like herding them to do what you want them to.

If there is a rare occurrence of a human reading a newspaper then jump on it they do love surprises as variety is the spice of life.

Humans carrying stuff upstairs dart quickly in fant of them in the dark as well , this helps with their coordination skills , humans love learning new skills.

Bed making the position you should take up with this is curl up in the middle and pounce every time a sheet is rearranged , also protest if you are evicted and protest loudly.

If the human is daft enough to sort out clean laundry on the bed then duly sit on laundry keep moving around until the laundry isn't warm anymore.If you are moved return, it is now playtime and there are no rules for added fun run off with a sock ( this is the call reason humans have only one sock )


There are no blurred lines when it comes to food , there is stuff cats can't eat but other than that it is mitts off , do dip your tail in their food when they aren't looking.

If you catch something alert your human to its presence they will have so much fun sharing your dining experience with you , though your food may try and run away.The wife of the male human will not be convinced that the mouse has decided to leave through the cat flap and every appliance will be pulled out to search for your food.


And if the human responds with "I know"

then they have joined your cult the cult of cat ...

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