Two Years Since My Autism Diagnosis

 It is two years since my Autism diagnosis and nothing has changed other than I am still the same person , I don't expect anything from my diagnosis except that it is more me .I am still the same person I was before the diagnosis and the diagnosis gives me validity to how I feel.You don't have to get a diagnosis for your autism to be accepted but that is a whole different debate.I think being diagnosed now especially when you're younger does make things easier in accessing services and education but still there is a gaping hole within this sector.If I had being diagnosed when I was lounger then I think I would have ended up at a special school which would not have been suitable for my needs.Where as what I needed was helping in actually mapping out my ideas etc because I can have all the knowledge and know all the detail but not necessarily know how to commit that idea to paper.

When I was younger and life was in the moment I clung to those feeling s and moments of friendship and couldn't understand why I was shunned before I had even spoken it was if I had given off some sort of vibe .Children are awfully perceptive and they will be point blank with you most of the time and myself being left out was just one of those things that shouldn't have been.I would be punched and kicked and called names and there was nothing anyone could do , it was very much like Lord of Flies at school and though there were pockets of niceness school was pure hell.Not even my intelligence could save me as I moved to the higher set but maths was a no go as I can not handle numbers.You learn to play the game and you mask and you try to blend it but you just don't get it because you give social signals that people just don't understand.

It goes like this I can take and talk and think I am explaining myself but it is like I am talking say a multitude of languages all at once with people saying 

"What are you trying to say ?"

Interaction is both my nemesis and my want it is quite frankly like magnets repelling .

This is why I loved acting as a child and an adult I could be something I was nod and no one said otherwise but sadly I couldn't take it at GCSE as moving to a higher set it clashed with my GCSE choice.

Camouflaging is a way of autistics coping with the world but it comes with a great social cost, including heavy exhaustion and extreme anxiety.And one of the costs of this is not working which I did for many years as SEN teaching assistant amongst working in the cvil service but again in many of my jobs it was the situation where like the wounded gazelle I was hounded out of the job because I just didn't fit the social click.

And I was just about reclaiming my way in the world with helloing as a volunteer in a school and going to choir then who would have guessed a pandemic struck.

Walking For Relaxing

Walking I’ve been doing a lot of walking everywhere as well it’s free and it keeps me active and my mind in fine fettle.My mind hasn’t been in fine fettle it’s been under attack again from outside forces and just about every time I settle the outside influences reared their ugly head to harass me.And it can take me days to recover and then wham it happens again just as I felt happy again and every time I felt was the last time it wasn’t .But I’m a bottom of the tea cup optimist in so much as I feel that there tea cup can be filled up again .

Walking has a unique slowness to it if you do wish and I love being absorbed by it and letting my minds eye get captured.

How To Make Reading A Book Feel Like A Nice Pair Of Slippers

There are some ground rules I think on this but saying that rules are there to be broken which adds to the fabric of life but please don’t do this in groups of more than six.

1 Familiarity 

Familiarity is often a safe bet as is choosing a murder mystery book it does exactly what it says on the tin or in this case book. Familiarity of a genre keeps you within your comfort zone whilst at times easing you out speed as if Miss Marple turned down Afternoon tea.Familiarity can also mean a place you’ve visited in early August myself and my husband visited Whistable and my lovely friend Jane knew immediately I’d love a book called Murder on the Downs set in Whistable. I love crime books as much as I love Kent as that is where my grandparents on both sides used to live, so it is an area I know very well and it has a very special place in my heart.

2 Make time

Time is like a pocket essential, we all lead busy lives and allowing out minds to decamp while reading a book is an absolute must.

3 Find your reading spot 

Your favourite spot might take a while to find but one spot I used to love was the library in a corner tucked away from the rest of the works with just me and a sea of discoveries in a book.We’d love a garden nook hidden away from the trials and tribulations of the day.

4 Wear what you like !

To feel relaxed you’ve got to feel comfortable in what you’re wearing unless your a naturist then you’ll be comfortable in your own skin.

5 Avoid popularity 

Everyone and everything is jostling for attention and your hard earned cash for you to buy their book but popularity can breed contempt at times .People see it as the in thing to read that book , I mean just look at 50 shades of  Grey ( charity shops are overrun with them )

Gardening As Relaxtion

I am finding gardening very relaxing and I do love a potter in the garden , I don't have acres and acres but I have a nice enough space to play about with and one think I won't compromise on is losing my lawn even though I don't mow it.I am slowly planting up the garden more and more and my approach to garden is to plant things where I think they will be best suited with Covid and lockdown this has brought a tighsqueeze on the garden spending due to a cut in my husband wages.


When we go to the garden centre I always back a beeline to the reduced section and more often or not I do come away with a plant or 3 but I always stick to a budget or you could go albsoteldy bananas .I have always been given tomato plants from my neighbour which have faired well but as a tomato parent I was worried at first that they were not fruiting and I had my neighbour baffled but hey didi need fruit. I learnt that tomatoes fruit from the bottom upwards and I have been feeding my tomatoes and while my neighbour was peering over the fence myself and myself moved the tomatoes to a more sunny spot.

The other area of the the garden I have been working on is the the area near the apple tree which sadly dropped all its apples over the months but I am hopeful for next year because well you do have to be hopeful.

I’ve been planting the garden up with bulbs and some have come from Lidl and some from B & M and yes sometimes it’s a case of you get what you pay for .Buy I’m willing to take a chance on them , I think plants are like people and sometimes you’ve just got to take a chance on them.

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How Do You Keep Yourself Relevant To Today ?

Hello out there


I have just published a blog post which is the one prior to that and I thought about


" how do you keep yourself relevant to today "


I think the simple answer is you don't have to unless your face is your business and perhaps you're an international catwalk model , I mean the most thrilling thing I have done today is empty all the bon round the house ( exciting ) but that is relevant because I am actually getting up and doing something about it and then subsequently writing about it in this here blog post.


I did have some excitement when my garden waste bin was not collected for the second week period and I was a thing possessed firing off politely worded emails and result the bin got collected.I mean it was a only a few bin collection emails but I had such passion behind it and in this strange times any passion is a bonus I say.I hadn't blog for a week and no one noticed and nor should I expect them to ,  my cat however got some sexy requests over on Instagram and I have to say he is rather bemused by it all. Yes I know I know , I know my cat has an instagram account and no it isn't twee.


I do say what I feel and blog what I feel and there is no mystery in that , I am beyond my years and a wise old soul like a wizard trapped in a cat except I am not fluffy except for when I have not shaved my top lip.Not that I have a moustache that I can wax but if I did I would defiantly go for being in a Victorian curiosity side show and perhaps be able to do circus tricks as well.So I think I really think that keeping yourself relevant really does come down to being you and there is only one of you and it would be a shame to waste that.