Friday, 15 November 2013

Life's what you make it.

I 've just read a blog post that sums me up who would have thought it that people can be so similar.

I try not to worry but you know what like its like I hate social situations, I hate them to a T I worry will I say the right thing , do the right thing  it all goes through my mind. I have an abject fair of letting me down people down its worry I know . Yet despite this I am off to the Ideal Home Show Earls court and that is a bloody  very big place. And yet I'll be alone going round ...


I have a flight or flight response to life and 80 percent of the times its flight, get me in a crowded bar and I am off like a racehorse down the track. Put me in the right situation and I am ok if I am someone with me no an emotional crutch but just a wing man. I ramble as well my brain thinks to fast and I trip over my own words half the time.


I am more confident but only because I put myself into situations .. I can't be something that I 'm not yet I have to be.

I look confident... and I am contented..  BUT

I wish and I feel why can't I be the person with more friends sometimes the one that people throng to ..

WHO knows..

Life is very hard to rationalise isn't it now.

Somethings seem to stick to you through life .. like school bullying.


I was bullied the bespectacled swot who liked school except for the bullying.


Like when your classmates did a poll of who liked you or when you were kicked in just before going into a GCSE exam.

But I find people who have suffered this go one of three ways they are either are SO bouncy like Tigger or they go SO quiet the world doesn't know they are there. Or perhaps like me they are stuck in the middle with an tendency to swing between the Tigger and quiet mouse mood.

Sometimes I wonder what reality I am in ... Do't worry I am not losing my marbles or anything .. and anyway I found them yesterday.


And  I have had mental health issues in the past yet I find people who have similar quite funnily and rightly so don't want to be reminded by a screaming bowl of bananas the world can be a crazy place.

SO its a thumbs up for me next time I'll be panicking is on the tube to Earls court and getting directions from a member of staff .. * it saves time and helps me not to panic *

If you need me I'll be thinking ...
* I do contradict myself somewhat ....

32 comments:

  1. Great post, Claire and thanks for the mention ;)
    I'm between Tigger and the mouse as well...
    I've also dreamt of being someone else, a 'social butterfly' but it's not me.
    You weren't bullied because of your glasses, I wasn't bullied because I was quiet. We were bullied because of other people's insecurities..that's the bottom line.
    And you know, people like us help to make the world go around because it would truly be a boring place if we were all the same. ;)
    I love your Tweets, I love your blog. I love you for being YOU. xXx

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  2. I was also bullied at school - another nerd here, glasses as well. It took me until my 30s to start feeling totally confident in most situations (the thought of public speaking still scares the shit out of me), its not all been positive changes though as I'm a lot harder and more cynical as a result of my childhood experiences. Don't worry about how many friends others have, they doubtless have their own problems, we only ever see what is on the surface. I'm something of a misanthropist so lack of friends doesn't bother me, I've also got very anti-social as I've got older - I don't drink anymore so I'm not interested in going out to bars etc. I am not bubbly by anyone's standards, lol, but I am a confident woman - it just took time ;o)

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  3. That's really sh*t to be honest. I'm sorry you had to go through that, no one should have to deal with that. You are winning though as you are putting yourself out there, despite it all. And people are not what they seem, everyone has their insecurities, on the face of things you probably seem no different to anyone else. You probably are no different to anyone else.

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  4. I'm actually realising that more and more people do feel this way (me included see) but the difference is they fight- and yeh I too am a flighter.

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    1. Empathy in depression is a rare gift which more people should practice.

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  5. Great post. If I think about it then I'm between a Tigger and a mouse too. I have "legged it" on occasion and I am sometimes Tigger-like because I'm so nervous, needing to fill a gap with non stop inane chatter. Very thought provoking.

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  6. I'm sorry that bullying at school has such a massive impact on how people feel about themselves as adults - we often overlook the depth of the impact it can have on people. I used to be terribly shy, couldn't deal with social situations at all, and yet now I thrive in them... the only difference between who I am now and who I was at 18 when I first left home is that I forced myself to get out there and over time I realised it wasn't as bad or scary as I thought it was going to be. So by simply getting out there and doing things you are helping to become the person you feel you want to be - well done to you, I know that takes guts!

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  7. I am so sorry you had to endure bullying, such a great post hun. Totally understand confidence issues in certain situations. Keep going, your doing great xx

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  8. Bullying is awful, that feeling iof scoail inadequacy haunts you forever :( I do think we all feel quite frequently - as adults, that things could be a little different ad we are not really who we would like to be.

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  9. Bullying is horrible and I know this from my experience. In some ways it made me stronger person. I don't care as much as I used to about what people say about me. As long as I'm happy with myself and I don't hurt anyone it's good enough for me ;)

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  10. i wasnt bullied at school, well at least i dont see it that way im more upset by the fact that my teacher humiliated me in front of the class which i think can set an example they if she does it they can do it as well (thats why our year was known to be the worst of bullies), but i was so bloody happy to finish school and finally be myself, be free,

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  11. So sorry you had to go through the bullying at school, I am sure it has made you a stronger person. I am very similar to you in social situations and am always nervous going places on my own - how I will cope going to London for Britmums this year I have no idea!

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    1. Come stay with me I 'm going and I'll be nervous.x

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  12. I was bullied at school. It still haunts me to this day. I was bullied for being fat. I have still experienced that bullying as an adult. I hate bullying and I feel for all those who have been at the end of a bully/bullies.

    There are many situations that I still won't put myself in for fear of repercussions of others and I can relate to your post.

    As easy as it is for me to say (and I should take my own advice at times) is hold your head high and be strong xx

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  13. I was bullied at school and its not nice .x

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  14. I was never bullied at school, but being raised very poor, I knew or felt that school mates were talking about me behind my back. Kids can be so cruel and many times, it is the bullies who are also feeling nervous and shy, they just bully to compensate for feeling that way, or at least that is the way I see it sometimes. Maybe too, the bullies are bullied at home.

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  15. Be strong! We are always there for you!

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  16. I don't really like going to places by myself either and can get anxious in those type of situations some times!

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  17. Being bullied is awful and nobody knows what it is like unless they have been there. I too was bullied and changed school twice because of it. One day there was a gang of bullies waiting for me after school thankfully I had my piano lesson and missed them but they waited for me the next day and I remember ringing my mum and begging her to pick me up. Even to this day I do not know why I was singled out x

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  18. what a great pst hun, thankyou for sharing, bullying is somthing most of us go through and i would not wish it on anyone x

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  19. I think a lot of people put on a front to cover their true feelings

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  20. Bullying is awful - as I teacher I have never understood why some are bullied and often why the bully does it.

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  21. I think looking confident is half of the success

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  22. So sorry to hear you were bullied, it's terrible to think of the long term effect it has on people. I think most people are somewhere in between when it comes to social situations, I can't imagine anyone really looks forward to not knowing anyone x

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  23. I am sorry that you were bullied, it leaves lasting scars. I am not the most confident person, other's always seem more at ease, always saying the right things x

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  24. I am terrible at large places on my own and feel so conspicuous and can get very stressed. I often look at others with all their friends, so gregarious and wonder how they do it. But I guess we are all different. x

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  25. Finding a 'happy place' in social situations isn't easy for anyone. Some might look like they find it easier than others but I remind myself that no-one is having it easy, everyone has a story and baggage and nerves.

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  26. I'm a total flight person - I don't do social situations at all and the thought just brings me out in a cold sweat - as a friend once told me I'm very rude when I meet new people as I'm so nervous that I seem aloof.

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  27. I think I am more like Tigger........hope you have a fantastic time at Earls Court and hoping we get to have a proper chat at Britmums xx

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  28. bulling is so awful, social situations can be so terrifying sometimes I know what you mean but I find if you just pretend they are fine you start to believe yourself! x

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  29. Ah that sucks. I was bullied at school too - surprising really how common it is! I'm more like the quiet mouse that hides away from the world though rather than tigger! lol

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  30. I wasn't bullied at school but it's my worst nightmare that my children are or even worse that they are the bullies themselves. It's strange reading the comments to see how many others were bullied too!

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